It can be really tempting to dive into that relationship and just go with the flow… Because why exactly do I have to wait?
We like each other. We’ve gone on a couple of dates. We create time to catch up on how our day went. There’s this show of genuine care and concern when we’re talking.
So why not?
There are a lot of important things you need to talk about before you make up your mind to go into that ship.
Is this relationship just because you need someone to attend that family function with or “I feel lonely” or Do you see a future with this person?
I think that relationships like this should be intentional. Do we want the same results with our previous relationships or something much better and…
Even though it doesn’t work out, you know you gave it your best.
We’ll look through questions you need to be honest with yourself about.
These questions help you figure out who you are and also influence your relationship with people.
Although there’ll be some things you can compromise on, you’ll be clear on the things that aren’t negotiable.
What brings you the most happiness?
You need to identify what exactly does. What makes you truly happy? Is it spending time with loved ones? Spending time alone? Going on trips? Does the happiness of close friends and family translate to your happiness?
What is your love language?
Knowing this can be the most important thing in your relationship. There are 5 love languages –
Words of affirmation, Gifts, Act of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
Everyone has at least one love language they prefer to the other. Identifying this helps you discover how you prefer to receive love and also helps you recognize your partner’s.
You can take this love language quiz.
What is your typical demeanor?
Are you High key or Low key? Do you communicate more with body language and facial expressions or are you always talking? Can you stand a chatty partner if you like to live a quiet life? Will you be able to live with someone that barely talks if verbal communication is a big deal for you?
What is your greatest motivation/influence in life?
What or Who drives you? What is that big thing that fuels your drive? Do you seek validation from friends? How big is that vision? Is it the first thing on your mind and the last thing when you go to bed? Does financial freedom sound like something that interests you?
What do you want from this relationship?
Is it just vibes? Or Love, Companionship, Marriage?
You have to really think about what your expectations are.
What do you do when you get angry/feel jealous?
Do you throw things away? What calms you down? Or do you just act rashly and as a result caused more harm? How do you communicate your displeasure? Are you always shouting at the top of your voice? Can you tell your partner you feel jealous about someone they’re hanging out with?
What is too serious to play with/joke about?
For some people, you can’t joke about their gait. It’s a big deal. For others, jokes about death or any form of abuse is a turn-off. Highlight the deal breaker for you and make sure to communicate it so you don’t come off as “always angry”.
How open are you with your feelings?
Do you have to be asked “How are you?” 1 million billion times before you say how you feel? Do you have peak times when you’re more expressive? Are there activities that allow you to let your guard down? Understanding this helps you articulate better with your partner.
How do you prefer to communicate ?
Are you a text person? Do you prefer calls? Can you communicate properly if it’s not an in-person discussion? Do you make eye contact while talking to people and expect the same?
How do you feel most loved?
This also has a thing to do with love languages. Knowing your love language helps you to pinpoint what exactly makes you feel that rush of affection.
Are there things you can’t compromise on?
How important is your job? Can you give it all up if it comes to that? Can you work remotely if your family requires that you do? How religious are you? Must your partner have the same religious beliefs as you?
Do you want to get married?
Do YOU? Not everyone plans to. Some people just want company and not commitment.
Is that you? Are you open to changing the decision when you find someone that checks all the boxes?
Do you want kids?
A couple of people don’t want to bring kids into a world like this. They can’t bear the thought of their child falling sick and dying or the childhood sexual trauma that people don’t talk about till they’re adults. Other people think it’s a responsibility they don’t want to bear.
You need to be clear about this. If you want children, how many do you want?
Is that open to change given your partner’s preferences or financial realities?
Are you more analytical than creative?
Do you analyze the cause and effect of every decision or do you go with the flow and enjoy the spontaneity?
The thought process for each personality types work differently, understanding this helps to align your decisions to “the same page”.
Overprotective or ??
Are you the possessive partner? Do you get jealous when your partner hangs out with their clique?
Are you always in people’s faces or too clingy in public? Have you experienced rejection in a relationship in the past? How did you deal with it? Do you have a tendency to be insecure when your partner interacts with the opposite sex?
You don’t have to answer these questions at a go. Some of them require that you take out time to reflect on.
You’ll also need to have conversations around this in your “talking stage”, let them come up naturally in your everyday talks and watch out for the reactions and responses.
You can also check out this article – Selecting a good travel partner in simple ways
